Everything you think you know is wrong. Everything you do is no longer right. These were the first two things I felt when the government announced the first lockdown in March of 2020. Phew ! What an year it was and what times I had to go through.
Here I was thinking that things were finally back to normal after weaning my 14 month old and day dreaming I can have more time on my hands. Little did I know I would be locked down not only at home but also within my own chaos. Everything seemed doable and simple at first. Washing your hands often and maintaining social distance was quite easy but the tons of doubts with what this is all about was huge.
Letting go of my friendly help was hard and even tougher was not able to meet my loved ones. I thanked God for my seven year old and my toddler to keep me occupied. But as days became weeks and weeks became months it was tough. Horizon was nowhere in sight. The sheer amount of daily routine was difficult to handle. My health posed a challenge during these hard times and I couldn’t wonder what a timing it was. My middle ear problems poked me definitely throughout for which I had to go to emergency. House work with no help was getting harder by this time.
All in all doing the bare minimum time went by. Suddenly our family suffered the loss of a family member due to the pandemic. That’s when it hit hard. Like a punch to face. Like a blow so hard to the head it would keep ringing in the ears. We couldn’t bear the loss. We couldn’t share the grief nor be there for one another. It was the lowest of low times. I couldn’t stop wonder if these were the end of days. I was depressed thoroughly. Depressed is not an easy word to describe for what I felt those days.
Now its been almost a year and times are different but still difficult. We still hesitate to go out but are carefully meeting out loved ones. Leaning onto hope waiting for the time things get back to the normal. But I still feel if is this the new normal we should be adjusting to? But the heart wants what it wants. There’s hope and unending want in the heart for things to be what it used to be. Basking in the Sun, holding hands and laughing with all the heart!